Lessons I learned to Grow as a Woman

Lessons  I learned to Grow as A Woman

As my life progresses and I look back over my life I’ve come to realize that all the obstacles I went through taught me many valuable lessons. The lessons I learned helped me to grow into the woman I am today. Life has been my best teacher. At this point in my life, I have a degree in life experiences. Throughout my journey called life I have learned to use struggle as a springboard to success. Each hard moment curated a woman who is loving, intelligent and unstoppable. Lessons don’t happen when life is easy. It was during the toughest moments in my life that I learned the most valuable lessons such as boundaries, building confidence, standards, healing, discipline, delayed gratification and self-worth. I hope that the hard times I have survived provide you with lessons and prevent you from experiencing some of the tough moments I have.

Boundaries Are Self Respect

I remember a time when I had no boundaries. I would say yes as much as I could to everyone I could. I wanted everyone to be pleased with me. I would extend myself to people. There were very little boundaries when it came to access, I allowed people to have in my life. It was terrible, I wouldn’t even tell people if they hurt my feelings. I would just pretend everything was ok and continue to give all of myself away with no regard to the consequences. Eventually I learned that there was very little left for me. It was at times that I needed the same support from other people, but they wouldn’t be there for me. It made me feel horrible. It was when I decided to start setting boundaries, live in my truth and keep it real with people, I began to feel good about myself. Instead of saying yes to every request. I will first ask myself if it serves me to give a piece of myself in the moment. If it didn’t then I would have to decline. Not everyone deserves access to you. Boundaries are self-respect. Respect yourself and set boundaries.

Actions Build Confidence

It’s very easy to sit around and wish life would change. To wallow in self-pity. To feel bad about how life turned out. I too used to wish my life were better. My confidence was at an all-time low as I watched my friends finish college, while I sat at home with my husband. I got married young and dedicated my life to being a wife. It didn’t seem important to accomplish goals because I already had a husband. What more did I need? Life was great, right ? Wrong! My confidence took a hit because I went from a woman who achieved what ever she set her mind to, to a wife who prioritizing cooking, cleaning and the status quo. Those pictures of my friends accomplishing their goals were a reminder to me that I wanted to take action in my life. I  started to take action. I enrolled in school. I am pursing hobbies that are interesting to me. Little by little my confidence came back. Every action that I took added to my confidence. Eventually I felt amazing. I was proud that although I had a family, I still put action towards the things that were important to me. Confidence is built not gifted. I became confident through actions.

Standards Matter

I’ve made the mistake of thinking that being treated with respect is automatic. After all I treat people with respect. It should be given that people are nice to you. If we lived in a perfect world none of us would experience emotional neglect or abuse. There were moments in my life that I accepted the mistreatment of others. I had zero standards. My main focus was on the way I treat people. I wanted to be liked. After a while it seemed I attracted people who wanted to use me for my lack of standards. Once I made myself respect a priority thing changed for me. I had to teach people how to treat me. I no longer tolerated the bare minimum from the people around me. Setting standards teaches other people how to treat you.

Healing Is Your Responsibility

Pain was my middle name for a while. I blamed the unfair experiences I had as a child, and early adulthood on everyone else. I thought my emotional instability was just a by product of the hard life I have lived. It was through isolation. The loss of family, friends, and sitting with myself I learned that I may not be who caused the pain, but I am the one suffering from it. It’s devastating when someone hurts you dearly and then moves on as if nothing happened. It almost makes the pain worse. The lack of resolutions forced me to heal. It was either sat around and be hurt for the rest of my life or heal and move on. I embraced that healing is my responsibility. Pain may not be your fault, but healing is.  You can decide to heal, live your life fully and be happy.

Consistency Matter

As someone who has experienced job loss, abuse, and homelessness I have had to embrace doing what I can with what I have in front of me. There were plenty of times that I was motivated to change my life, but I didn’t have the access available I needed. It made me feel like what was the point of trying. However, it is the small steps taken consistently that build a truly amazing life. I had to master being disciplined. Discipline can take you places motivation can’t. Consistency matters when you are building a life. There may be times that it feels like change has not happened. That’s when you depend on the trust you have in yourself to be consistent. Build discipline by being consistent and building trust in yourself.

Patience Is Everything

I had a horrible shopping problem in my early 20’s. I just thought that retail therapy could erase all of the pain I had experienced in my life. Eventually shopping landed me in debt and was losing everything. Through my shopping addiction I learned that I would have been much happier with the money I spent than all of the meaningless items I had. All of those small purchases just gave me instant gratification but in the long run I ended up with nothing. Through this moment I learned to delay gratification. I started by going shopping free for a year. I  wore only the clothes I had. No fancy outfits. Some days I wear sweatshirts and a T shirt. I wore the same hair style. This was a major change for me. After that year was over, I had savings and I learned how to prioritize paying my bills first. I am proud of how I can wear the same clothing and relish the savings I have. Delaying gratification created a beautiful life for me. Patience is everything.

Self-Worth

Self-worth has been a lifelong journey for me. I spent a major portion of my life devaluing myself to make everyone else around me comfortable. Acknowledging my worth was a shift that changed my life. When I started to value myself, doors opened I never imagined. I began to command confidence. I negotiated higher salaries at my jobs, went back to school and stopped settling. The people I interacted with could see that I had high value for myself and they treated me accordingly. Self-worth changes everything. Once you value yourself, your choices change.

Lessons Don’t Come When Life is Easy

Most of the valuable lessons I learned were when life wasn’t easy. Rather than looking at my experiences and feeling sorry for myself. I pulled something from every moment. If we take the lessons from our experiences, we can actually grow and prevent these moments from happening again. Not everyone deserves access to you. Set boundaries and demand respect. Build your confidence with actions. Don’t accept the bare minimum from people. Teach them how to treat you. Healing is your responsibility. Remember to have discipline because consistency matters. Delayed gratification builds a beautiful life. Self-worth changes your life. Once you value yourself, your life will change. Life may have hard moments, we can learn from them and become the person we have seen ourselves