Decenter Men from Your Life and Start Accomplishing Your Goals

Your happiness shouldn’t be dictated by the men you encounter. The ultimate accomplishments in your life doesn’t have to be whether you have a man or not. What if I told you there can be more to your life than the man you have ? That it is possible to still have a life of fulfillment whether you have a significant other or not.  I too thought that the main goal of a woman was to get a husband, have children, the end. That m

y spouse would bring me all the wholeness I need. I could just spend my days planning around our relationship and that would make me feel complete. I mean it’s not our fault. Women are conditioned to make men the center of our lives. Since I was a young girl, I would watch every romantic movie and dream of the day my life would have the grandiose euphoria expressed in these films. Well, I discovered once life sets in and the man reveals that he is a flawed person, and not a character in my favorite romance flick that I am at risk of disappointment. I also might feel resentment if I dedicated my life to my significant other but didn’t take the time to become the woman, I want to be. To decenter men from your life is to place yourself in the center of your life. It is a beautiful thing to have love. It is also beautiful to achieve your goals and dreams.

Men as the Center of My World

I found my loving husband at the young age of 19. I was immediately swept off my feet and just knew all my romance movie was about to come true. In many ways it did! Something was missing though. I was missing. My self-fulfillment was missing. I was raised that once you find a husband you have found everything you have ever needed. Well, why did I feel like there was still more to life? I realized that my goals were important to me too. There were other things I dreamed of doing besides being a good wife. I wanted more for myself. That’s when it clicked. My relationship is one aspect of my life. My purpose is what will truly bring me wholeness and provide me with the inner since of accomplishment I so desired. I learned how to decenter men from my life. Yes, even my spouse! I am now the center of my world. I am the main character. This radical shift in the way I view men has provided me with freedom, and it will free you too.

Learning to Receive

One of the shifts I had to make was learning to receive. It was so easy for me to say I can do it all. I wouldn’t ask for help. I would show up for men, give myself and hope that something was left for me. This left me feeling like I was giving them the upper hand. Once I learned the flow of receiving life changed for me. The flow of receiving is an expectation that everything you need is flowing to you and you gratefully receive it. There is no need for you to force outcomes. No need for you to manipulate men to get what you want. You expect them to give it to you. You remain in a space of receiving what they have for you. We are not meant to deplete our energy giving all of what we have to men. Step into your divine gift of receiving all that you deserve. Every time someone does something nice for you, say thank you. Show you appreciate it. When you take this posture, you will notice men want to do nice things for you. You don’t have to chase them or beg for their attention. You simply receive the time, attention and effort they give to you. Remain in a state of receiving and show gratitude every time you receive.

Prioritize Your Dreams

Men should not be the center of your dreams. They can add to the amazing life you have, but your happiness should not depend on the quest of acquiring a man. When you make yourself a priority there is a sense of security within yourself. You feel validated and don’t need to look for external validation. Dedicate your time and energy to your own goals. Don’t convince yourself that what you desire is not important. Your goals are your purpose. Those desires you feel aren’t by accident. You feel this way because you are meant for more. No more shrinking yourself. No more minimizing the woman you see yourself as. You don’t need to feel guilty for choosing your goals. The average man does not feel guilty for accomplishing his desires. Women shouldn’t either. It is time for women to embrace that there is more to our lives than the relationship we possess.

What is Your Love Language ?

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman describes that we can fill our love tank by using the five love languages. The five love languages are: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. If we learn our love language, we can use this amazing tool to communicate the way we want to be loved and we can express love to ourselves in this way. Using the five love languages to fill your own love tank is a powerful tool. It is a way to take your power back. You no longer must look for someone else to express love to you in the way you need, you can express love to yourself. When you fill your own love tank it takes the pressure off you to seek love elsewhere. When love is expressed to you, it adds to the already full tank that you have.

Plan Monthly Solo Dates

Solo dates are amazing ! I enjoy a good solo date. At this point I look forward to the time I spend with myself. Solo dates are a great way to display that you are the main character. You are already pouring into yourself. You don’t need someone to take you out because you are already providing yourself with the experiences you deserve. It also trains other people to know how to treat you because you are prioritizing time with yourself. Solo dates can be done at any income level. It can be as simple as a walk or going to grab your favorite coffee. It is essential to take this time to get to know yourself. It may be awkward to sit in a public place alone. Sit with that awkward feeling until you know how to sit with yourself. Take the time to get to know you. After all you are pretty cool.

Master the Art of Detachment

Detachment does not allow the emotional response of other people to control you. Detaching from the high of the attention of men will allow you to seek that attention within yourself. When we look for men to validate us it can leave us feeling insecure. We will find ourselves comparing ourselves to other people. We will be happy one minute and sad the next. This is by no means to walk through life dismissing others. It is releasing the need to control outcomes. Avoid the need to be offended. Don’t allow the emotions of other people to control you. If we attach ourselves to outcomes when they don’t go the way we planned, we are devastated. However, when we detach from outcomes we are liberated. We feel lighter. We have peace. Your inner peace is the priority. Master the art of detachment, and free yourself from the need to control outcomes.

Make Yourself the Center of Your Life

Achieving your goals becomes simple when you learn to release the feeling of guilt for choosing yourself. It is ok to make yourself the center of your life. You no longer need the validation of men to feel good about yourself. You can feel confident all on your own. You can give yourself the love and acceptance that you seek from men. Learn to receive and be grateful. Make your dreams a priority. Learn your love language and fill your love tank. Take yourself on a solo date. Detach from the emotions of others. Decenter men from your life and make yourself the center. You deserve to make your dreams come true.